By Lori Silverman
I like grocery shopping. In fact, I’ll find almost any excuse to go to the store. Down to six steaks in the freezer? Only 12 eggs left in an 18-egg carton? Just opened the one pound jar of almonds? Get me my car keys. It’s time to walk the food aisles!
One of my favorite stores is Fry’s. The prices are right and the place is clean. And the staff is downright friendly. From the greeter to the bagger, all of them have smiles on their faces and are more than happy to help in whatever way they can.
On this particular Saturday, I really did need to shop for my houseguests who were set to arrive that afternoon. I always ask people what they like to eat—whether it be breakfast, lunch or dinner. Most times those food items differ wildly from what I normally take in as a single woman for nourishment. It was no different this time around. Powdered donuts, egg bagels, sugar-coated cereal, baloney, white bread . . . the list went on and on.
As I stood in the checkout line with my cart filled beyond the basket brim, I had ample time to study the store staff and the customers around me. I mean, really, who goes shopping on a Saturday morning if they can avoid it? Each line was three to four carts deep and every one of them was filled to overflow.
The youngest tikes were sitting in their carts, guzzling from a juice box or eating some sort of candy bar. Most adults without kids attached to them were browsing through People Magazine or the latest celebrity rag that touted the newest and greatest weight loss program. And the staff? They were all smiley faced as usual. Except for my checker. He was noticeably glum. The most I heard him say to any of the three customers in front of me was “hi” and “here’s your receipt.” What happened to “How are you doing this morning?” and “Have a nice day?”
Now, I keynote on the topic of schmoozing. Meet and greet with ease. Make eye contact and put on a friendly face no matter where you go—except if you think it might endanger your life. Build rapport and you’ll make friends and influence people in the process. In my eyes, this guy just wasn’t cutting it. So I decided to put on my best smile and to greet him in as friendly a manner as I could.
“Hi. How are ya doin’ today?” I got no response. None. Nada.
“It’s certainly a beautiful day today, isn’t it?” Still no response.
“Have a good weekend planned for yourself?” Absolutely nothing. Not even a grunt.
I thought to myself, “Hmmm, this is really strange. I can’t imagine this store hiring someone to work up front with a bad attitude.”
Deciding to take a more humorous approach, I gently said, “You know, it’s ok to smile.” He looked up. Still glum.
“Really, it’s ok to smile. I won’t bite.”
And then he spoke. “Some young girls who work here at the store were in a bad accident. They drove out to Saguaro Lake and lost control of the car. They’re all in the hospital. It’s hard not to think about them.”
Rarely am I, the schmoozer of all times, caught without something to say. But here I was. Out of words. At least momentarily. “I’m so sorry. I take it you knew them well?”
“Yeah. I’ve worked with all of them.”
“Well, I’ll say a special prayer for them tonight. And, when I’m in here next time, you let me know what’s going on with them, ok? And, you take care of yourself, too.”
And then he smiled, ever so slightly. “Thank you, ma’am. I will.”
And he did. It took a full thirty days for those girls to recover. And it took just as long for the smile to fully return to his face.
Things aren’t always what they seem to be. For you. Or for me. And yet we continue to create our own stories about why somebody’s doing what they’re doing or why they’re acting in a strange way. Think about it. How often are we right in these situations? Almost never.
This employee reminded me of how important it is to “take the high road.” In my eyes, there are three parts to this. To gently inquire in some way, shape or form about what’s going on. Be receptive to hearing what’s true for the other person. And understand their situation, no matter how similar or different it may be from our own.
So the next time you’re faced with a situation where you’re having trouble making sense of someone’s actions, instead of crafting your own story about what’s taking place, take the high road instead.
PERMISSION TO REPRINT: You may reprint this story as long as you include the following attribution. “Learn more about Lori Silverman’s work as a strategist and keynote speaker at http://www.partnersforprogress.com. Her latest book, Wake Me Up When the Data Is Over, debuted in the top 100 books on Amazon. Check it out at http://www.wakeupmycompany.com. She can be reached at 800 253 6398 or lori@partnersforprogress.com.”
